The new kids are killing me. My liver has probably undergone irreparable damage. It's freaking ridiculous how much they actually go out. Thank god I have that English teaching job. Otherwise I would be dead in the water when it comes to finances. But it's nice to start over again. I'm learning how to change the undesirable aspects of my personality more and more. Moving around so much has finally born fruit and its exposing me to people I'd never talk to otherwise.
On the other hand, a concept from my past has started to come back into relevance. I used to talk about having the Clarity. Perhaps a vestigial remain of my pseudo-buddhist days, it was essentially a limited form of enlightenment. Clarity is the concept of being free from the desire for relationships. Interactions and friendships would be merely that and enjoyed for their own merit.
Celia sent me this great link that puts its two cents in on the neverending asshole vs. nice guy argument.
http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html
The writer distinguishes between real nice guys and the nice guys who only claim to be so and exhibit douchy behavior when they don't actually get the romantic interest they want. It's really been making me think about where I fall in this continuum. I've always considered myself a genuinely nice guy but lately I've started to see myself start friendships with girls with a clearly superficial or alterior motive. It kinda makes me frustrated with myself.
Going back to the Clarity though, I've been drifting further and further away from it. The behavior i noted is completely opposite to my ideal state of mind and I need to figure out how to start "enlightening" myself again. Or maybe I just have to give up. After all, Christine came along right when I had thrown in the towel for getting into a relationship this summer.
I've been getting lunch with a girl named Hannah at this Japanese-y noodle shop down in Kennedy town. The food is pretty awesome and we get to do our juicy little gossip. Apparently all the guys are crushing on two half-asian girls, Chloe and Melissa. It's funny how most guys tastes mesh together like that. I'm glad I'm not in that rat race. Someone's gotta lose. But then again, I'm not the best at judging whether you should give up for fight for what you want. Hannah's cool though. She's already involved with Ted so that at least frees up my need for Clarity when I'm interacting with her. It also helps that she's a huge nerd.
I get the feeling the Clarity is starting to come back slowly though. It's not as obvious as before but I think if I keep on keeping myself busy it'll turn out fine.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment